The Fear of Being Average

I grew up terrified of being “Average.”

I was told I was “Gifted.” I was told I had “Potential.” These are dangerous words to tell a child. They create a debt that must be paid.

The currency you pay with is “Achievement.”

And the only place to buy Achievement is The City.

You go to The City to “make it.” To be a Founder. A Writer. A Creator. To be Someone.

To stay in your hometown is to admit defeat. It is to accept “Average.”

The Cult of Specialness

Our culture worships the outlier. We hero-worship the billionaire, the movie star, the prodigy.

We ignore the median. The median is boring. The median is a 9-to-5 job, a Honda Civic, and a pizza on Friday night.

I viewed that life with contempt. I will never be that, I vowed. I will change the world.

So I moved to the city. I hustled. I grinded. I networked.

And I was miserable.

I was fighting a war against probability. By definition, most of us are Average. That is how math works.

To base your self-worth on being in the top 0.1% is a recipe for lifelong self-loathing.

The Exhaustion of Exceptionalism

Trying to be “Special” is exhausting. You have to constantly curate your life. You have to optimize every second. You have to have a “Personal Brand.”

You can’t just have a hobby; you have to have a “Side Hustle.” You can’t just go for a walk; you have to be “Training.” You can’t just eat dinner; you have to “Experience Cuisine.”

I realized I didn’t actually want to be special. I just wanted to be seen as special, because I thought that was the only way to be loved.

The Joy of the Median

When I moved away, I fell off the ladder.

Nobody here cares about my “Personal Brand.” Nobody asks about my “Exit Strategy.”

They talk about their kids. They talk about the tomato plants. They talk about the snow tires.

And I realized: This is nice.

There is a dignity in the simple life that I had been too arrogant to see.

There is a profound satisfaction in mowing a lawn. In fixing a fence. In cooking a meal for friends that isn’t Instagrammable but tastes good.

I am essentially living the life I mocked when I was 22.

And I am happier than I have ever been.

You Are Not Your Output

The City teaches you that You = Your Production. If you aren’t producing, you are failing.

The Country (or the Suburb, or the Town) teaches you that You = Your Presence. If you are here, you are enough.

I have stopped trying to Change The World. I am now content to just change my oil.

It turns out, being Average is actually quite special.

It means you are part of the herd. You are part of the human race. You are not a lonely god on a pedestal. You are just a guy.

And it is a relief to just be a guy.

Put down the heavy burden of Potential.

Come have a slice of pizza. It’s Friday. You made it.